Have you ever caught yourself in an act of self-sabotage? Usually that means you find yourself sitting with some sort of undesirable consequence that is the direct result of a choice you made that maybe you wish could go back and change. Now, perhaps you just made a mistake. Humans make mistakes, and not all mistakes are self-sabotage. No, self-sabotage is when that undesirable consequence keeps happening over and over again. That’s when the self-sabotage becomes a bit more obvious. That’s when we usually realize, “Hey, I might have a part in this…” Right? And it can be uncomfortable to look at, but we know it’s also very valuable to recognize.
Today, I want to talk about a much more subtle form of self-sabotage; a form of self-sabotage that is almost too close to recognize. In my early college days, I was going to a lot of singing auditions. I’m operatically trained, and so I was trying out for different opera productions as often as I could. I felt pretty confident in my abilities, and I’ve always been a bit of an achiever. I loved progress then, and I still do now. (Both yours and mine!)
Anyway, my mom would always come with me to all my auditions as a show of support, and I want to acknowledge right now that she had good intentions, and it really was very sweet of her to be there for me…HOWEVER, she always seemed to find some subtle way of undermining my confidence. Every. Single. Time.
For instance, one time I’m at an audition, and I decide to go warm up my vocals in the practice room, and my mom says, “Oh no, honey. Are you sure you want to do that?” So I go from feeling pumped and thinking, “I better go warm-up,” to thinking, “Wait. What? Why would she say that…?” And it would plant this tiny seed of doubt, that wouldn’t have been there otherwise. I don’t even think she knew she was doing it! Because you see, some people live in fear as a way to protect themselves. There are people who live in limitation, to keep their lives small and therefore, more easily controlled. Without a touch of malice in their hearts, they will put every single little safeguard up, run through every worst-case scenario, and without meaning to, they can chop away at the focus you’ve been given by Spirit to go out in the world and seek the life you know in your soul would be the greatest expression of your own personal joy and satisfaction. It’s a very personal thing! Only we truly know what is in our own souls.
Do you have friends and family who try to take care of you like that? By warning you off from taking calculated risks, or making bold moves or changes in your life? It’s subtle because these people often genuinely care about us! And it’s self-sabotage because we choose to turn to these people for a special kind of support again and again, maybe because we’re trying to get their approval, or maybe just because they are there! And again and again we are left sitting with the consequences of turning to someone who doesn’t have the tools or the experience, to give us the encouragement we need to keep our eyes on the prize!
Now of course, I love my mom and she loves me. It just wasn’t in my best interests to have her at my auditions! And that’s okay. Now I know! We can still enjoy the relationships we have with people we love who believe they are protecting themselves by not expecting favorable outcomes in life, but when it comes to our own sacred passions and ambitions, it’s best to seek fuel for our focus elsewhere.
Pick Your Experts; that is the shiny nugget of wisdom that was shared with me that I am now privileged to pass on to you. Always pick your experts. Pick people who have come before you whose journeys you admire, and whose accomplishments inspire you to stay focused on YOUR goals. Whatever those goals may be, assemble yourself a dream team of experts, and when you need inspiration or encouragement to help keep your focus aligned with your soul’s purpose, look to them instead.
As always everyone, love is Spirit. So when we fill our lives with the love of living, achieving, and being where we know we’re supposed to be, we’re living with Spirit. Namaste to you all. May this bring you peace, prosperity, and abundance.