Today I would like to talk to you about that wonderful relationship you have with yourself and how to heal it. Because so many of us, we just don’t take the time, and really don’t even feel like we deserve the time to heal the painful aspects of our relationships with ourselves. It’s almost like we feel like we don’t deserve to heal. It’s very interesting. We wear our scars like a badge, or we say we’re a victim—we jump right to the victimhood, or we blame ourselves…But see, when we do that, we’re skipping over who we truly are and we’re covering our true selves up. But the worst part is when that story becomes us. It guides us toward who we choose to form new relationships with; people who leave us reliving that story in different ways, shapes, or forms, because we never really learned the lesson from it. We just took it, and stuffed it, and used it as a badge. We never really did anything. When we start to learn that nothing is done to us—that everything is done for us to learn from, that is a huge understanding right there. I’ll say it again, that nothing is done to us. But it’s done for us to learn. And when you start looking at it that way, well, that kind of changes it, doesn’t it?
I have a little system I do for myself, and actually I have been doing it with a lot of other people now because so many people have these issues in common. And I understand sometimes we’re trying to heal from feeling like we’re a failure. All right, I get that. We all have that moment in our life where we feel like a failure even though there really isn’t any failure. But boy, don’t tell that to me when I feel like I failed! Or we just left that really highly toxic relationship that did a real number on our psyche…We all need to come back from that, you know? Some of us are grieving. Others of us have left a normal relationship where we’re like, “what happened?” And we blame ourselves for that. So we’ve got that guilt, that shame. We all have things that we’ve been through, but when we go through some kind of crisis, or some heavy duty learning experience, we all have to reassess. Because it can be a growing time for us. First we have to repair, so I have this little thing I like to do. I call it:
Retreat, Energy, Understanding.
Those are the three steps: Retreat, Energy, Understanding, and I’m going to tell you about it right now.
It sounds like we’ve just fought a war. Well, sometimes we have. SO Retreat means, “I’m gonna pull back, and I’m going to understand this feeling…” Because sometimes we need to create a safe distance from the things we are struggling with. I’ve left a relationship a couple times in my life, and I’ll tell you, it stopped me dead in my tracks. It was so heavy, I didn’t want to move. And sometimes we get that kind of pain, and grief is like that too…heavy. Well, pull back. Listen to yourself, and that’s the retreat. Honor yourself. Allow yourself the time to just process it. You got to say, “Whoa, what the heck happened to me? What was that? And why? And why do I feel like I’ve failed. I feel like I failed, but why?” And it hurts. And just allow that hurt. And start to trust yourself. I know that, during those times, I like to listen to healing music. I like to travel. I like to drive in my car. I just drive out in the country somewhere. And I just want to be by myself. And I just want to allow the feeling. During this step, try to gain some clarity on the subject, and allow yourself to just be. Maybe you’re someone who likes to watch movies, so you can cry. Trust your feelings, and what you want to do, and allow yourself to do it— as long as it’s not harming yourself or anyone else. And if you need someone to talk to, find that friend who’s supportive; not a basher, but someone who’s just going to listen and love you and just loves you for you. That’s the time when you are just listening to yourself and treating yourself as gently as you feel like you want to be treated. And there’s an important step in that because you’re beginning to really honor you, what you need to heal and not what that person needs to heal. Your retreat may look totally different than anyone else’s. You might want to go bowling for all I know. It’s whatever YOU need to be able to have that time to process what has happened and assess the damage. Like a ship that’s been hit by a torpedo. You do need that time, because sometimes it’s like “whoa, what is going on?” You need to process.
Okay, so you processed, and you’ve taken that time, and then all of a sudden you get this surge of energy. Sometimes you’re angry because you’ve passed from “Okay, I assessed the damage, and now I’m angry.” Or “I want to just get it out of me.” And whatever gets your energy flowing, this is the time to start doing it. I love to run, or hike. I like to get out in nature, and if it’s summer I like to bike. I like to do things that make me break a sweat. I like to dance. I like to get it out of me. I also will do artwork. So I’ll try to write a song, or I like poetry so I’ll write poetry. I also like to write letters and then just burn them in a bonfire, or the fireplace in the winter. These are things I do to expel the energy. If I’m going to grieve, then that’s where I cry it out like crazy. That’s where I allow my feelings to expel from me, and why is that important? Because if we keep holding them down inside, we do this crazy thing, and I call it popcorn because it’s where we pop out with stuff— you know, that sarcasm, that anger will come out in the wrong directions without warning because you didn’t vent it out; you didn’t get it out of your system. So it’s got to come out, and it just flies out at weird times, and sometimes at people you don’t mean to hurt.
You don’t need that. Get it out. Run around the block. Take the dog out, whatever—but get it out of your system. Remember, just getting with girlfriends or boyfriends or whatever and doing the bashing thing really doesn’t work— that actually feeds into the pain. And then it’s like, “Well, now I’m even angrier.” That’s not cool. We are supposed to be really starting to look at ourselves and healing our own relationship with ourselves, not creating more fire about someone else. It’s how we’re processing it. So then we let that out. And that letter that you write can be anything you want, because you aren’t hurting anyone and you’re going to burn it anyway. Burn that rush of emotional energy away in any constructive way that works for you, and doesn’t hurt anyone else.
And then you move into the Understanding.
And this is powerful because you’ve exhausted your energy, you’ve gone through the processing. And now you can understand that you’re already moving into a place where you’re looking at yourself. And when you come to that understanding, then all of a sudden, you can start to look at the situation, at what has happened through the eyes of honoring yourself. And you’ll actually start to find that you have more kindness for yourself in this understanding. You start to see it in a higher way, and you’re not blaming anyone. You’re not causing grief for anyone. You’re just understanding in a higher way. You’re understanding that the failure wasn’t really a failure. You’re understanding that a toxic relationship is no one’s real fault. It’s just how that person is, and you are learning that it doesn’t work for you and you don’t want to be that way. Next time down the line, you won’t allow that into your life. See, there’s now this higher understanding, and it becomes the healing; that understanding is the true healing. And that’s where you learn the incredible strength that you have. And you start to form a really firm friendship with yourself.
If any of you are going through something, or feel like you’ve been suffering with something for some time…it may be causing you to always beat yourself up, robbing you of that confidence, and making you scared to step forward into the light. Well, that’s because you haven’t gone through the steps. I’m giving you an overview. I have helped so many with this, and it’s because we have a lot of people suffering when there’s no need. So if you are interested, and you want help with this, that’s one of the things we do at Soul Manifesto is help people to start to love who they are. Because you know what? That energy inside you has all the beauty, the love, the incredible growth, and wisdom…And when we start to love ourselves, we can open to that and allow it to bring us forward in a better light.
We just have to do some healing. It’s just the way it is. Nothing big— we can do it! But sometimes we need some help. And if you want some help, I’m here for you. I’ve done it a million times. And also, I’ve done it myself, so I know what you’re going through. I understand. You don’t need to suffer alone. In fact, don’t suffer alone. Don’t. Everybody is here, Soul Manifesto is here, I am here…so just reach out to me. It’s very private on the Soul Manifesto contact page, so contact me. Go to soulmanifesto.com and just contact me, okay? And we will be happy to help. Spirit is love. And when we start to learn, and have a relationship with ourselves, and begin that process of loving ourselves, we are actually saying to the universe, “Thank you for me being me.” And we open up to a bigger love of not only ourselves but our soul and the universe. It’s a beautiful journey. And when we do that, my friends, we are totally with Spirit in every way. No one needs to suffer. Not when we have all these wonderful friends here at Soul Manifesto that can help. Namaste, my dear. Enjoy your journey and let’s begin to heal.